Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
