I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
