I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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