I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
