don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
