people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
