very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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