i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
