I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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