i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
