you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
