This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
