ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
