who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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