I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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