my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
