I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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