today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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