I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
