I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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