the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
