Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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