I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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