Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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