I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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