Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
