Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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