is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
