It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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