he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
