i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
