Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I intend to get homeless drunk
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
