i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
