I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
