His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
