it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
