Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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