I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My penis needs a shock collar
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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