i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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