Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
