I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
