My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm always down for nudity.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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