can we get nightvision for the apartment?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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