i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
