i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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