i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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