I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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