Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
