I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
