We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
