I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
