similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
