Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
