I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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