it hurts more in the daytime
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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